5 Mistakes Parents Make With Their Children

“As my mother wouldn’t let me eat chocolate, I buy a bar a day for my daughter” ,  “My father would punish me if I didn’t study, I’ll let my son do what he wants at school” . Are these phrases familiar to you?

There is a huge variety of manuals on how to be the perfect or ideal parent ; however, practice makes the teacher, and in real life it’s not easy to make that sounding good advice come true.

In fact, you certainly suffered some “injustice” when you were little. Chances are, you also swore not to do the same to your children. Maybe you’re keeping that promise, but that doesn’t mean it’s good for them.

Did you know that more than half of the self-help books available in bookstores are for being a good parent? Apparently, the fear of making mistakes or repeating past mistakes is very strong and determines what adults read today.

But be careful, let’s not get confused,  making mistakes is not the same as failing.  Nobody is born knowing, as the popular saying goes. One of the most frequent mistakes parents make is to prevent their children from  “suffering”  what they themselves suffered in childhood. This is because sometimes we believe it was a bad thing when, in fact,  “our parents were doing those things for our good” .

For example, if our mother didn’t let us eat chocolates every day, it wasn’t because she was mean, but because she knew that this habit would cause tooth decay, obesity, and other problems. If our father asked us if we were doing well in school, it was because he couldn’t let us live free will in relation to our studies.

According to researchers,  we inherit our parents’ traumas and habits, and it is very likely that we will end up doing the same with our children. In addition to the typical expressions they used to say to you when you were little and that you will certainly repeat to your children; it can also happen because of a problem from your childhood, and your children end up suffering the consequences.

Typical “deja vu” behavior with children

We’re talking about those things that your parents used to say, that you certainly hated and that you now repeat with your children:

1- “Do all your wishes”

You feel guilty about leaving them all day to go to work, so buy whatever they ask for, cater to their whims, no matter what. By not being by their side watching them grow, you feel that you have to “earn” them somehow. Like? With gifts.

2- “The teacher teases my son”

Before, when we arrived home on a low note, we were punished. Nowadays, if this happens, parents run to the teacher to ask for an explanation of why they failed their child. Don’t try to get out of the situation thinking that the teacher teases your child or that your child is not to blame for not studying.

3- “May television be your entertainment”

This is a modern evil that maybe we didn’t suffer so much when we were little, because a few years ago there wasn’t so much offer of programs, video games, social networks, websites, etc.

Perhaps you’ve been angry more than once because your parents sent you into your bedroom to study without watching TV. Now you think your kids can spend hours in front of the screen, which also eases some of the burden of caring for them.

4- “They know I love them”

It never hurts to express our affection to those around us. When they’re babies, it’s easier to tell them that they’re the most important thing in the world, that we love them, etc., but as time goes by, that habit will disappear.

When children reach adolescence, for example, they are the ones who ask their parents not to be so effusive because they are ashamed. Instead of repressing your affection, continue with the expressions of affection.

5- “They only understand when I punish them”

It can be said that punishing our children is the fastest way for the child not to repeat what he did wrong. But how long do they learn the lesson?

If they already know that the next day you’ll forget what happened and let them do what they want, their words won’t be worth much. As hard as your parents were with you, remember that there was no greater lesson than a serious and intense scolding back then.