3 Secrets To Learning To Value Yourself

You’ve probably heard a million times that you have to learn to appreciate yourself. If your life circumstances have been favorable, you may not have had any problems valuing yourself or understanding how this works in practice. But if you’ve had experiences that made you doubt your worth, it’s normal that you don’t know what to do to change that situation.

Learning to value yourself means finding the way to see, assimilate and embody the idea that you are a human being who deserves it as much as anyone else. That you are second to none in terms of value and that you are just as capable of getting what you want as everyone else. Also, you don’t need mechanisms and strategies to hide, defend yourself or confront others to protect yourself.

It is not easy to go from a poor self-esteem to a strengthened one. It takes time, effort and patience. The good thing is that it’s possible. This does not mean that it is possible to reach a point where a person is completely happy with what he is and was. Much less that it is possible to reach a level where there is no doubt. It’s about fixing some aspects so that the lack of self-worth does not interfere with our lives. And those are the 3 secrets to learning to value yourself.

1. Be yourself: a secret to learning to value yourself

The phrase “Be yourself” is anything but original. But how is it possible to make it a reality? How can we connect with our inner self to show us what we are? What we are looking for is not to give you a magic formula, nor to deceive you by creating false hopes. In fact, being yourself is not easy, especially when you have experiences where the only way to survive is precisely to stop being yourself. Environments full of rules seek this: to kill our will to be.

When, for example, you’ve grown up or been in a highly critical environment for a long time, it’s not easy to cultivate self-confidence. Much less learn to value yourself. Quite the opposite. What you have in mind is that it is worthless or worth very little, but that must be negated or minimized.

The only way to start being yourself is to allow yourself to be. In other words, it helps a lot to stop thinking so much before acting. Before speaking. You already have the chip that tells you, “Wait, don’t do it”. Or “Wait, don’t talk.” So the point is not to pay attention to that inner voice. Take the risk of doing things without planning too much. Of speaking, letting everything flow as it appears in your mind. Start with less compromising situations and then take more chances. You won’t get anything if you’re not persevering.

2. Face your fears and especially your failures

Failure is an overrated concept, especially among those who don’t know how to learn to value themselves. If we look carefully, all human beings make thousands of mistakes and we can only be proud of a few successes.

Error and failure are the daily bread. There is a lot of obsession with success these days, and many end up panicking at failure. They forget that  only in exceptional cases is a great triumph not preceded by countless failed attempts.

If you allow yourself to be invaded by fears, especially the fear of failure, it is impossible to learn to value yourself. It is precisely in times of failure that we must extol our greatest virtues, not in times of success.

3. Accept the limits without complaining

There is nothing better for learning to value yourself than humility. Humility is not bowing down to everything, but understanding the vulnerability of the human condition. It is also accepting that we are human and that we make mistakes. If we have strong self-love, it doesn’t scare us or make us feel inferior.

Personal limits and limits imposed by reality exist. Nobody can escape them. Not accepting this condition or the difficulties that always appear in achieving our purposes is an attitude that reflects an exaggerated narcissism. Why would reality give us a special place in its plans just so we have an easier way to achieve what we want?

This kind of narcissism is not excessive. It’s a narcissism that gives a false value. Narcissism is looking at yourself from the outside and admiring what you see. Self-love is validating all that we are from within. The best facets and the rest too. It is not about what is seen from the outside, but what we see inside.

Learning to value ourselves is a task we should all undertake. It’s not a new fad. Much of our well-being stems from this feeling of self-approval. If we don’t value ourselves, it’s time to stop and rethink the path.