Our Wounded Inner Child

Surely you’ve heard or even talked about an inner child that we hold close to our heart. We also know that it is necessary to give them life in order for them to be happy. However, we tend not to spend much time with this child, even if he has been hurt. A wound that sometimes still affects us…

What happened to make the child inside you get hurt? At what point in your life did you produce this “break” that marked you forever? And above all, is it possible to treat wounds and heal them permanently?

The “catalyst” event of our inner child

What happens when that inner child suffers or is hurt at some point in childhood that affects our actions as “full-fledged” men and women? There are many theories that try to explain this situation, one of them is the one called “catalyst event”.

The “catalyst event” is a fact that marked us with iron and fire, as it is popularly said, and that forged our personality. Basically it happens like this: since we were born we live in what is known as “comfortable continuity”, which allows us to survive and gives everything we need (food, affection, shelter, etc). However, one day something changes us forever and kicks us out of this “comfortable continuity”.

In most cases this event is associated with a very painful emotion such as death, fear, separation, disgrace, etc. But also something outward that may seem insignificant at first glance like a word, an attitude or a decision.

What wounds does your inner child carry?

A distant father, a perfectionist mother, an authoritarian grandfather, a broken family. The inner child can be hurt by what marked their childhood. It carries the traumas of the past and transforms them into patterns or habits that mark adult life.

In order to have good emotional health it is necessary to help our inner child to heal its wounds. Yes, each one of them and with total dedication and responsibility. It is not about applying a dressing where surgery is needed, nor about minimizing a recurrent symptom.

Can I heal my inner child?

To start with the “treatment” it is important that we are aware that we are facing a wounded child and that we must create a bond of friendship so that he can trust us. A movie that comes to mind to exemplify the situation is “Jack”, starring Robin Williams, who puts himself in the shoes of a child who ages four times faster than normal.

At a certain point in the film, Jack hides in one of the toys in the school park. His teacher (played by Jennifer López) tries to get him out of there. To achieve this, she takes some sweets, but only the red ones, which are his favorites. In this way the “child” begins to trust her, to the point of leaving her hiding place and giving an opportunity to deal with what makes her feel bad.

We must do something similar with our inner child who is hurting. In order for her to trust the adult we have become, we must offer her what she needs. Never with screams, anger or threats… because that way we won’t do anything more than increase the wound.

If, for example, the hurt was caused because your parents weren’t kind to you, treat your inner child with all the love in the world. If it’s because you’ve been ignored, show that you’re more important, give it time, and give it priority. Little by little the child will come out of his hiding place and will trust you…don’t miss this opportunity!

Speak patiently, tell her that you are sorry for her suffering and above all that you want to help. Ask him how he is doing, how you can make him happy, and if he is willing to make the effort for both of you to reach your goal. Propose different activities such as going for a walk, going to the beach or watching a movie.

Try to integrate her into your life again, so that she has the opportunity to enjoy everything you’ve built despite all the difficulties you’ve been through. It’s about giving her your opinion again, voting on her decisions, and especially about letting her have fun. And you with her.