Fear Of Shining

One of the great paradoxes of human beings is that of wanting to be special and, at the same time, being afraid to shine. Who doesn’t want to be recognized and admired? We all have a need for others to see our virtues. And it’s an advantage if, in addition to seeing them, they stand out.

Despite this, many feel intimidated when they receive attention. Almost everyone, actually. And that’s because gaining prominence means stepping away from the group, not staying in the fold. In other words, being “different”. Hence, most of the time, the fear of shining.

So, the first thing you should do is make a distinction between passing and standing out. When you gain approval, you get pats on the shoulder or the excitement that you are being accepted and valued by a group. However, as we stand out and shine, we won’t necessarily gain acceptance. You can even get rejected.

Sometimes the issue is not so extreme. The fear of shining can come from a weakened self-esteem. In these circumstances, recognition from others is frightening. By remaining anonymous, we secretly want to be wanted and needed.

The fear of shining and the guilt

The success of others usually makes people feel bad. It’s inevitable. It is part of the package. An exceptional triumph impacts others and will even make many feel inferior, even though they don’t intend to. An insecure person interprets the success of others as a threat. It’s as if one person’s success underscores the fact that the other didn’t.

We know all this intuitively. We sense that success gives rise to latent or overt hostility. The fear of these reactions influences the fear of shining. You don’t want to create tension with others, especially if they are important to you.

There are unconscious mechanisms that often bring punishments to those who stand out, who have more power or shine.

The family and the fear of shining

The family is the first nucleus of socialization and is often the place where the fear of shining is born. This happens mainly when the family is dysfunctional or stimulates a lack of self-esteem, envy or a feeling of inferiority. If such a family member succeeds, it may seem like a betrayal.

It is evident that this does not happen in the field of consciousness. It infiltrates through behaviors such as forbidding achievement or forcing someone to put their talents at the service of others. Then, the idea that standing out can have negative consequences is introduced.

Likewise, parents educate their children with some implicit principles. One of them, often, is to suffer for the suffering of the children. People with parents like that will feel terribly wrong when they reach an achievement that makes them very happy. How to feel good knowing they suffer? Hence the fear of shining

When you stand out, you also expose yourself

We can add to what we said earlier that there are cases where you are afraid to shine because there is a huge fear of being different. There is fear of being singled out, questioned or rejected. Furthermore, exposing yourself means facing the opinion of others. And exposure means facing the opinions of others, which isn’t always constructive for what’s new or different.

This is usually because we place too much value on the eyes of others. Therefore, we place much more importance on attributes that others approve of, rather than prioritizing the characteristics that make us unique. So, implicitly, goals are often aimed at meeting generalized opinions, and they don’t necessarily make us happier.

Fear of shining often involves guilt and fear of rejection. Many people give up on standing out just to keep the affection of their family, their friends, or their partner. By not “betraying” others, they end up betraying themselves. This is added to the joint unhappiness and developmental limitation. This is wrong. When we are better, we too can help others to be.