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Advice is subjective opinions that an interlocutor transmits to another with the intention of guiding behavior in a certain way. What is certain is that there are people who, without preparation or conscience, give advice for the lives of others. In this article we call them counselors, and it is a kind of which, generally, every family or group of friends has a copy.
Giving advice puts you in a position of authority, wisdom and even prestige. On the other hand, we generally don’t receive them with displeasure – regardless of whether it’s right or not – as it’s usually a sign that there are people who care about us. However, this should not happen when we suspect that behind this advice is some manipulative strategy for directing our conduct.
Anatomy of Counselors
As we explained, the advisor has a series of characteristics that make it easy for us to recognize them. Usually they are people older than us, who, due to their age, believe they have more experience – which is not always true – and think they are wiser than us.
These are the common characteristics that we can find in this psychological typology:
Usually give typical advice
“Time puts everything in its place” or “believe in yourself and everything will change” is typical advice that is read in teenage magazines and then ends up giving it to others to see if they help. Of course, these prefab suggestions never work, as the person you’re giving this advice to already knows them. In fact, you have already applied them, but they are not the ones you need at the moment.
They have fears they don’t know how to face and they project them into their lives
Counselors are generally people who have unresolved issues to resolve in their lives, are afraid to face circumstances, or have not overcome ones efficiently. This makes them give advice to others as a way to repair their own life. Nobody can help another person if, beforehand, his mind is full of ghosts.
In addition, counselors often have the characteristics of an anxious person – “don’t do it”, “it’s dangerous”, “what if it doesn’t work out?” – instead of someone motivating, as they themselves usually let themselves be guided by their fear.
They practice “euism”
A good advisor always gives advice based on you, you, and after you. Instead of listening to the person in front – something that helps, and a lot – as he finishes his sentence, he quickly starts with the following words: “Well, I…”, “This also happened to me…”. Everyone, to a greater or lesser extent, uses what they have done in the past to give advice.
This makes us not feel understood or listened to. In the end, it will be us who have to listen. Let’s not forget that the other person’s experience has little to do with our own experience, even if they look alike.
They give advice they don’t even believe in
Most likely, the advice the counselor gives has not been applied by him in practice, probably because he doesn’t believe in them. It may also involve a great deal of difficulty: perhaps it is adequate advice, but not for the moment.
Advice, in all cases, must be realistic, progressive and tailored to each person. General advice such as “if you want to stop smoking you should stop overnight and start using gum to control anxiety” not only are not realistic – in this case there are many other techniques a person can use – but they can also harm the other person, filling them with pressure or anxiety, and all of that can have the opposite effect.
They think that the other is not as capable as they are and that they need them
Counselors see themselves as “life savers” and think that others are not as knowledgeable as they are and that they are inferior and therefore need them. This attitude is nothing more than an excuse for them not to be occupied with their own affairs, a form of distraction so that they don’t worry about their own life. In fact, no one needs our advice, what they need is that we cooperate with them so that they can achieve their desires and goals, which is not the same thing.
Before giving advice to someone who has not asked or about which we do not have scientific knowledge, we must always remember the following reflection:
