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Wishing others to be happy costs nothing and says a lot about us. Furthermore, this kind of true personal gaze is reflected in our well-being.
However, from time to time we meet people who think the following: “I want you to be happy, but not more than me”. These are people who contradict the principle of human interconnectedness.
Most of us have had a similar experience. An experience in which we approached someone we thought was significant, to whom we could share good news, share things or tell about something good that had happened.
However, at the time, we notice the tone of voice, a certain falsehood or annoyance that immediately reveals a failure in the connection ; a dissonance in emotions and reciprocity.
Feeling uneasy about the happiness of others reveals something deeper than the shadow of envy. Sometimes it’s a blow to self-esteem.
It is also becoming aware that others can overcome and reach goals while we remain surrounded by insecurities. It is not easy to tolerate the joy of others when frustration is a constant in their minds.
Wishing for the well-being of others and celebrating the triumphs of others is an exercise in well-being. It has nothing to do with ethical, moral, religious or spiritual principles. In fact, behind this expressed desire there is a very valid and interesting psychological basis explained by some scientific studies.
Wishing others to be happy: the altruism that emerges from a tranquil heart and provides well-being
Iowa State University in the United States carried out a very interesting and, at the same time, curious study. Dr. Douglas A. Gentile and his psychology department staff selected a group of people who had been diagnosed with stress and anxiety.
They trained them for several days with a very simple technique that led to good results:
- It was simply going out for a walk for 15 to 20 minutes daily;
- While doing this, they performed what is known as the kinhin technique , which is an exercise in meditation while a person walks, runs, or performs some kind of physical practice;
- Likewise, while these patients were taking this walk, psychologists asked them to try to feel kindness, calm and well-being.
For this, they asked that they simply wish happiness for all the people they came across during the journey. Thus, the mere fact of projecting onto others an expressed desire for well-being and positivity was, in turn, reflected in her own well-being.
The mind reduced the obsessive load of obsessive worries and thoughts. Inner calm and focusing on a feeling of affection brought comfort and satisfaction.
Clear thoughts through the eyes of kindness
Dr. Douglas Gentile proved three things with this experiment. The first is that the level of anxiety and stress was significantly reduced, and that this happened not only by simple physical exercise.
It was enough to change a person’s internal dialogue and, above all, his emotional focus. It was just going from internal negativity to stimulating a mental effort to project goodness.
Wanting others to be happy, no matter that whoever crossed her path was a complete stranger, increased her empathy and feelings of connection.
Suddenly, they paid more attention to other people’s faces, opened their eyes to the outside and, in particular, to the human factor to connect with it.
Wishing others to be happy frees us from unnecessary burdens
In psychology, we speak of the boomerang effect to explain how some actions, words or thoughts generate some kind of consequence. So something as elementary as being able to wish others to be happy always has an impact on ourselves.
There is an emotional reward and there is also a kind of catharsis. Let’s think about this; let us imagine, for example, that we have a very envious co-worker.
He is one of those people who always looks at us askance, showing a certain discomfort with the way we work and with our professional competence.
If we mimicked their behavior, we would create a feedback loop in which discomfort, negativity, and confrontation would lead to a very uncomfortable state of stress.
On the other hand, wishing that person well relaxes us. Accepting that each one is as they are and wishing her to be happy within her means takes a lot of weight off our shoulders, clears our minds and avoids useless hostilities.
Therefore, the famous saying “Do good without looking to whom” can also be reformulated as “Wish happiness without looking to whom”.
Because the simple fact of projecting positive thoughts improves our brain chemistry, changes the internal dialogue and forces us to make a mental effort to open ourselves a little more to others. So how about putting this simple advice on health and human connection into practice?
