Accepting Is Not A Defeat Or A Call For A Truce

Accepting is not a defeat. When we accept that a situation got out of hand and things didn’t go the way we had imagined, that doesn’t mean we’ve lost. On many occasions, we can feel defeated and lose resistance when confronting bad circumstances that we cannot change. However, contrary to belief, in many cases, we also don’t want to let go.

Seeing acceptance in this way is nothing more than a belief that needs to be reformulated. Because, like many others, this belief can cause a person to make mistakes that prevent him from facing circumstances properly. Therefore, in the next lines we will drop it so that it is possible to see acceptance with new eyes and understand that the action of accepting is not a defeat.

radical acceptance

The concept of radical acceptance was developed by Marsha M. Linehan, but was spread by Tara Branch, both psychologists. It is an idea originated in Buddhist philosophy that motivates people to abandon all their expectations, the result of beliefs, which lead to vain suffering. Therefore, we must surrender and stop resisting what we cannot change (or what is possible to change: change starts with the very acceptance of the problem, not with its denial).

However, we must not confuse redemption with victimhood. We cannot accept this relationship as logical, so this acceptance leads us to refuge in grievances. Radical acceptance refers to appreciating what happens from a different perspective, where everything happens in a particular way that we cannot change, but we still have the ability to decide our reaction.

Imagine that you are unemployed. You have some savings and you will also be collecting unemployment benefits. However, refuses to accept reality. He is angry and sad at the same time for this situation. They took you out of your comfort zone and now you feel hopeless.

Accepting this situation without complaining, without getting depressed, and as an opportunity doesn’t seem to be the natural tendency, at least for most people. It’s also not well accepted: others might think that “ah, he doesn’t care about the work” and “with that attitude, it’s normal for him to be fired”… Different sentences that only motivate the complaint and the victimistic attitude, making it easier for him to the individual ends up like a boat adrift.

So what would you do if you accepted this situation radically? You get fired, feel all these emotions, allow yourself to express them, and then stop. You stop to look at the situation and say “Okay, that’s what happened, I can’t change anything, how do I handle this circumstance?”. There are many ways not to consider yourself defeated.

You can take advantage of and take courses and learn new knowledge that will be useful in the future, look for another new job and consider this opportunity as an experience to grow as a professional. You can do a thousand things instead of sitting around and feeling defeated, regretting it. Circumstances are what they are, but you can decide which way to go. You have the cards in your hand to play and now it’s up to you to figure out how to win.

Accepting is not a defeat, and denying reality is tiring

If changing your strategy or pausing before continuing to insist may seem negative, denial of reality is even worse (except as a defense strategy in the face of extreme emotional impact, such as the death of a loved one). This is an attitude that is really tiring, harmful and causes you to stumble over the same rock over and over again : stubbornly and with no intention of learning.

It is true that reality can be very painful at times. However, refusing to accept it or considering yourself defeated will only turn your pain into suffering. Your complaints will not be heard, all these “I don’t know why it happened to me” will not be answered. Things happen, there doesn’t have to be any apparent reason. But, you have the last word, the power to decide where to go.

You are not a victim unless you want to believe it. In that case, you will feed on recurring thoughts and sink into a vicious circle of negativity. We are talking about a tunnel with two undesirable exits: depression and anxiety. The person may think they have more merit for choosing the most complicated option, but remember that the hardest path is not always the best solution.

So, start accepting situations as a starting point for changing them. Consider them as opportunities to decide a new path and learn from them. Running away will never work and refusing to accept the events much less. Accepting them, on the contrary, far from being a condemnation, is only the first step towards winning.