And After It Ends, What Happens?

Breaking up a relationship is increasingly common. A few decades ago, and even a few years ago, almost all couples could stick together for their entire lives, despite whatever disagreements they might have. Today, things have changed a lot and it can be said that we are at the opposite extreme to what happened before.

Unconditionally accepting the other person, with their defects and virtues, being aware that there is no perfect human being (and will not exist) is the gateway to a satisfying relationship. Of course,  we always need to leave some clear limits, which we must not allow to be exceeded, such  as abuse, annulment, lack of respect or amputation of part or all of our individual freedom.

When a relationship ends, feelings of desolation, emptiness and loneliness remain there for a long time. We went through the famous grief, which hurts, because the pain is what will finally rebuild us again.

Grief has several stages, which are well known to everyone: denial, anger, depression, acceptance… and we can go through all of them or just a few. There are people who do not deal properly with their grief after the end, which causes the pain to be prolonged for a long time, generating an emotional block.

What will I feel after a breakup?

Leaving a relationship is a process that can be extremely painful. You’ve been with that person for days, months, or years, shared your entire life with them. You know her so well, you know everything about the person. He shares friendships, he has affection for his family and, suddenly, it all goes away, almost overnight. How am I not going to feel pain for this?

This person, who was so present in your life, who was the most important thing to you, is suddenly gone  and you may never see them again. Of course it’s hard, and a lot. Your soul breaks into a thousand little pieces, you feel very lost, you see no way out and the feeling of emptiness takes hold of you.

The first thing you need to know and accept is that you’re going to feel bad, really bad. The break, as we said, hurts.  But you also have to understand that this is a normal and advisable process. You need to mourn this loss, get upset with the world, scream if you feel like it… as long as these behaviors don’t last long.

You have to understand that all this is just ideas, thoughts that come out of your head and that are really responsible for your suffering. The deeper you sink into them, the more they will grow and the more pain they will cause you. Don’t feed them.

How to get back to your ‘I’ after completion?

Once you’ve gone through the grief period we discussed earlier, you’ll start to see things differently. Time is our great ally, but so is our  mind , when it is able to think realistically. It is useless for time to pass and we continue to feel incomplete, empty, thinking that that person was the great love of our life, etc.

One needs to stand up and stop thinking in an extreme and rigid way. The love of your life doesn’t exist. No being that is your soul mate was born, not half your orange, nothing like that. What really matters is being at ease with the person you’ve chosen to share your gift with.

But you are neither alone nor empty… around you there are thousands of people willing to meet you, in addition to those you already know. They can do this if you don’t close in too close.

Little by little, as you do, you will feel more comforted. Also,  going out and spending time with other people, you may end up meeting someone interesting or various opportunities may appear, be it work, travel, leisure… you never know.

Recover yourself. It is possible that, in a relationship, you have stopped doing things that made you very happy before. It is time to resume these activities and begin to gain satisfaction from them. Often, in a relationship, we end up abandoning ourselves and, after the breakup, it is advisable to find oneself again. Our self-esteem will thank you in the end.

The attitude of not stopping, but moving forward, not getting stuck in our misery or brooding over negative thoughts, will finally win the battle against this deep pain, so we will come out stronger. After all that, the other person will become a memory, which may be more or less pleasant, but it will be just a memory.