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Not worth it. Don’t support what wants to fall, don’t feed with dreams and hopes that which is already broken, that staggers and no longer sustains itself. It is wise to assume this and know how to react in time, because those who do not want to see reality and put on their blindfold and their armor every day, in the end, are empty, empty of dreams and self – esteem.
We know that lately a lot of psychology has turned to offering adequate strategies to achieve many of our dreams and goals. We already know what positive thinking is, motivation, self-confidence, but what happens when some of those accomplished things start to fall apart?
Believe it or not, personal growth also requires being able to intuit which battles are no longer worth it, which doors need to be closed, and which aspects of our lives are best dropped. We would like to reflect with you on this topic, and also propose you to recall a series of strategies with which to better deal with these complicated situations.
False hopes and restorative hopes
We are used to understanding the word hope with a comforting and encouraging dimension. It’s like a pat on the back in a moment of doubt, like a hug in times of trouble and a cup of hot chocolate in an afternoon of tears. However, more than a positive emotion, hope is also a cognitive dynamic to consider.
In this dimension reside many of the interpretations we make about everything around us, whether right or not. In our day-to-day hope, there are also thoughts, attributions and personal analyses. The hope is that he tells us “hold on a little longer and you’ll see how everything works out”, or “surely in the end he’ll realize that it’s me he really likes”.
We’re talking about false hopes, those that just try to comfort us at any price, the ones we cling to hoping that reality will always be our way, no dissonance, no holes. Now, we all know that in this perfectly imperfect world nothing is infallible, that whoever says “I like you” tomorrow presents us with his absence, and that what we now take for granted in a little while may be a fearful uncertainty.
Restorative hope, as opposed to false hope, is one where there is no resistance. It is what allows us to see things with more clarity and maturity, being aware of what is already impossible. She invites us to also see the horizon and the sweet promise that what we lost today can be restored tomorrow. Because no defeat is final, but the beginning of something different.
How to drop what no longer holds
Nobody drops something without having fought for it. Everything that is wanted, loved or valued requires great gestures of courage, personal investment and more than one renunciation. However, everything has a limit, and that insurmountable barrier that we should never renounce is without a doubt our self-esteem, our identity, our emotional balance.
As Brian Tracy, one of today’s motivational psychology gurus, reveals, “We’ll never get what we want in life if we just wait for things to change, if we just entertain false hopes.” It is a way of falling into the subtle abyss of suffering.
To avoid these situations, we propose that you consider a series of strategies to open your eyes to restorative hope, the one that knows how to look beyond to advance.
Learning to accept the reality of what is happening around us
There is a very interesting book titled “Love Reality” by Byron Katie. In her pages, she shows us the value of knowing how to accept the realities that happen around us, whether on an emotional, professional or personal level. It would not be a question of resigning at all, but of being able to love yourself to keep moving forward, and thus bring about new and better changes according to what we want.
- We have an inner “radar” that lets us know when something isn’t right. However, sometimes we don’t want to see it because that means having to face something we are not prepared for: a rupture, a change…
- We need to see this malaise, this unhappiness, as a clear and direct invitation to movement, to action, avoiding in the first place to raise false hopes. It is necessary to consider that when such malaise becomes chronic, it is no longer a stimulus to fill us with negativity and suffering.
What wants to fall will do it by itself sooner or later. Delaying the inevitable is a form of torture that we shouldn’t provide, because in the end, giving up isn’t always a gesture of weakness. On the contrary, saying goodbye in time is a reflection of someone strong and brave enough to let go.
