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This is likely to happen between couples, but it can also happen between parents and children, between friends, and in almost any kind of human relationship. We are talking about these types of relationships in which one of the parties asks, complains or demands forcefully, but when it comes to giving, it is much more conservative and petty.
This kind of person feels like he deserves everything for nothing. They are extremely manipulative people and often manage to make others believe they should please them for nothing, and even make them feel guilty when they don’t act that way.
The bonds that this type of person establishes are clearly exploitative. However, she manages to prevent them from being seen that way, and that is why she gets what she wants: asking for a lot and giving little, even with the consent of the affected person. If you don’t want to fall into this type of behavior, it’s worth knowing five types of situations you should avoid.
Don’t ask to be heard if you can’t hear
It’s one of the most frequent cases: the person is always talking and wants others to listen, but when he’s listening to others, he starts to yawn, gets distracted or suddenly he doesn’t have time anymore and leaves.
This happens a lot with parents who want their children to be aware of their reprimands, but don’t take the time to listen to what they think. It happens with couples, when one of the two becomes the “support” of the other, as if they had adopted him. It happens among friends, among teachers and students, among coworkers.
Don’t ask to be understood if you don’t know how to understand
So your complaints will be oriented towards blaming others, as if they have an obligation they are not fulfilling. They don’t know that understanding is a flower that grows, first in oneself and then in others.
Respect is not demanded, it is earned. And among the many attitudes that human beings have, perhaps this is the one that most rigorously complies with the principle of equity. In other words, there is no other way to earn the respect of others than by respecting them and yourself.
Sometimes people confuse respect with fear or reverence. Authority figures tend to “earn respect” through imposition or fear. What they get is precisely what they seek: fear and submission, but no respect.
Don’t ask for peace if what you sow is violence
This is one of the most paradoxical cases. It is visible in those people who talk screaming at others not to yell at them. Or those who shout: “When you despair you make me lose my temper!”
It is very common for aggressive people to constantly ask for reassurance. In general, they blame others for their violent reactions. Apparently they don’t own their emotions; if not for the others, they would be super cool. And it is the mistakes of others that cause them to lose control.
They forget that peace is not outside of ourselves; it is built into each one. They ignore the fact that everyone has to work to achieve self-control and autonomy. If they sowed peace, surely that would be what they would reap.
Don’t ask for perfection if you’re as human as others
Some people have an exaggeratedly positive opinion of themselves. They assume themselves as a model for others. They are almost always psycho-rigid people who see adherence to norms as the only parameter to assess everyone.
As they themselves apparently fulfill what is established to the letter, they feel entitled to qualify, judge and condemn others. They don’t understand that perhaps what drives them to be so scrupulous is fear or repression.
They don’t want to see that there are other ways of looking at life, just as valid as theirs. They feel “perfect” without being, because nobody is. But this fantasy justifies for themselves their demand for perfection in others.
Images courtesy of Beth Lokh, Jeannette Woitzik
