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When relationships cool down, the most reprehensible behaviors usually emerge. There are those who, after emotional distance, give way to physical disconnection to leave without giving an explanation. There are also those who make use of false excuses, and those who refuse to accept the emptiness of the bond, the coldness of a relationship of couples or friendship that is coming to an end.
Relationships, like bones, also break. However, most of these break-ups or separations don’t always happen abruptly overnight. Most of the time, the endings are preceded by a subtle and progressive detachment. The lack of complicity, the looks that no longer meet and the laughs that no longer share the same things are usually the first clues.
Emotional distance always hurts, and even more so if there is a part that continues to nurture the bond and believe in it. However, it is worth noting that, often, the other party also suffers from accumulating a certain feeling of guilt or remorse. In any case, in all these situations there is one thing that remains in evidence: our deficient ability to manage terms.
A proper resolution always facilitates progress toward this new stage. Otherwise, and especially if we are forced to face ghosting (being abandoned abruptly and without explanation), it can be more difficult to overcome this experience. However, we all have within us the adequate resources to face this situation.
When relationships cool down and we look for a why
When relationships cool down, there’s always a reason behind it, even if we don’t like it. Lack of love, lack of interest, new needs and interests, opposing views about certain things… When the flame of an emotional bond goes out, it always gives way to a dense and ambiguous darkness in which we don’t really know how to move.
A study published by Charlene Belu and Brenda H. Lee of Cambridge University points out that few things are as complex for a human being as leaving a relationship. Something that could be demonstrated in this work is that, many times, we need to know or clarify the reason for this termination, in order to rebuild our lives.
Otherwise, the people do not hesitate to try to reconnect; on repeatedly making the grieving process difficult and the opportunity to close a step to start a new one with greater integrity.
Something that the researchers in this paper were able to verify are the inappropriate dynamics that we tend to use when relationships get cold. Are the following:
Negative Ways to End a Relationship
As we indicated at the beginning, the most harmful and inappropriate dynamic to face the end of the bond is to disappear without saying anything. The ghosting is currently a recurring practice experienced both love relationships as friendship.
- It’s not your fault, it’s “my”. With this well-known and recurring phrase, we chose to free the other person from all (supposed) responsibility to use excuses such as “you deserve better”, “I believe I don’t give you what you need”. All of this is a way of camouflaging a simple evidence: that our interests lie elsewhere, that we no longer love the other person.
- The broken iceberg. The iceberg feature is another of the most common strategies. It’s simply about allowing the relationship to cool off more and more each day, denying evidence, making excuses, until finally the frozen relationship sinks and falls apart.
Emotional distance, a difficult crossroads
When relationships cool off, they don’t always reflect the prelude to a hopeless breakup. One thing that should be clear is that emotional distance can leave us adrift for a while. However, sometimes, if we are able to make use of the right strategies, we can return the warmth and sparkle to the relationship (in case it deserves to be saved).
Something that is seen very often in psychological consultations are, without a doubt, anxiety disorders and depression. These states directly affect the quality of social relationships. So when a person goes through a period of stress or discouragement, they usually don’t have enough energy and drive to enjoy their relationships.
With all of this, we want to point out something very simple: emotional distance and those relationships that grow cold can be dealt with. Bonds, like people themselves, go through different stages and need attention, new nutrients, and allow us to learn from their own conflicts and discrepancies to grow, move forward transformed into something new and stronger.
In all of these cases, both to warm the bond and save it and to end it, we need to be emotionally competent people. And this discipline is not taught in schools. We must practice it daily in small things, in sensitivity, in the line of respect, in the exercise of dignity and assertiveness.
Because every bond, whether it be a couple or friendship, deserves to be respected in any of its phases. Knowing how to break free with integrity and respect also says a lot about our human quality.
