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Many children feel jealous of their sibling’s arrival: they need to share space and attention with someone strange, who does very little and requires a lot of time. A time that before was only theirs.
Thus, if the situation is not managed well, it will give rise to a huge amount of jealousy, enough motivation for behaviors that we didn’t want or even that we thought the little one had already overcome.
One of the ghosts behind jealousy is fear. In fact, it increases when the baby comes home and needs attention almost 24 hours a day. The child feels that he is not emotionally reciprocated (at least not as before), that he is ignored. Therefore, jealousy arises and the baby that arrives becomes a competitor.
Fortunately, this situation can be addressed in a way that has no relevant consequences. Let’s see how to achieve this.
Prepare the meeting to avoid jealousy with the arrival of the brother
To avoid being jealous of the sibling’s arrival, the child needs to understand why the new family member needs so much attention. Therefore, it is important for parents to show her pictures of when she was a baby and explain the care she needed. That way, when the newborn arrives, the child will better understand what is happening.
If a child does not understand how to care for babies, why parents should pay so much attention to him, and the reasons why he has to share the parents’ attention, he may reject the new sibling. To avoid all of this, it is essential to talk about the situation in terms the child understands and to make good time management so that the “dethroned prince” does not lose all his space.
Also, parents can give something to the child on behalf of the baby on the way. It can be a doll, slippers or any other element. In this way, the intention is for the child to be curious about the baby that will arrive and, perhaps, even to respond in the same way, preparing something with an emotional meaning for when the meeting occurs.
What happens when the baby arrives?
Preparing the meeting to avoid jealousy is very important. This will be the starting point, the first impression, the moment when the eldest son will choose an attitude towards the brother who has just arrived. So, if we organize it well, with this presentation we can avoid many future problems.
No matter how we prepare it, the child may be reluctant to meet you or recognize you as part of the family. It can be a manifestation of shyness, but also rejection. Identifying whether it is either posture will help us to work from this point, providing a space for her to express her emotions and helping her to work with them.
In many cases, parents won’t let the oldest child carry the baby, no matter how much they ask. This is a serious mistake, because one of the premises for the child not to feel jealous is that he/she is involved in the activities that are carried out with the newborn.
Letting a child hold a baby can be dangerous, but we can allow it if he is sitting and we are by his side controlling the situation at all times.
the role of parents
If the child wants to participate, we must let them be involved in the tasks of caring for the baby. At bath time, the brother can collaborate if he wants or if we can cheer him up (in no case force him or blackmail him emotionally). Whether it’s taking a towel, the shampoo, letting him gently rub his brother’s head… Contact is essential.
The more moments we share with both of them at the same time, the greater the integration and the less we will have to divide. In this sense, we also need to avoid going to the other extreme. In no case should the older brother be responsible for taking care of the younger brother.
All the actions taken and the effort made to avoid jealousy at the sibling’s arrival should not replace the quality time a child needs. No matter how great the baby’s needs, the older child will still have their needs and will appreciate the time we dedicate exclusively to them. Links are unique and non-transferable.
In this sense, parents will have to make an effort to try to maintain the routines that existed before, especially trying to maintain those that included the oldest child. In this way, the child will feel close to his parents and see that he is still important to them.
Conclusion about the arrival of the brother and jealousy
In short, to avoid jealousy when a new sibling arrives, parents have a good deal of leeway. Likewise, as the baby grows, new challenges and even jealousy will appear. One way or another, these phenomena are part of the wonderful adventure of being parents.
