How To Deal With Conflicted Teenagers?

What makes a teenager conflicted? What does that mean? How to deal with conflicted teenagers? If we refer to rebellion (parental defiance or disobedience, rules, etc.), we will find different types. We can even speak of two types of rebellion.

There is a first type of rebellion that appears already in preschool age and that gradually increases during the evolutionary stage. As for the second type, we are talking about a behavior that appears after the age of ten and is usually related to the onset of puberty. In the latter case, there would be environmental variables and hormonal changes that could explain, to a large extent, the adolescent’s conflictual attitude.

What You Should Know About Conflicted Teens?

In this article, we will offer some guidelines for working with children or adolescents. Finally, we’ll talk about a specific therapy that is offering promising results in this population.

behavior problems

Before we get into the guidelines, let’s try to answer the following:  How does a conflicted teenager behave? We talked about rebellion at the beginning. They may show behaviors such as aggression, lying, disrespect, etc.

We must keep in mind that adolescence is a complicated stage on the emotional plane, as in addition to the hormonal change that implies the arrival of this new stage, we must also add important changes and a strong identity crisis.

So when it comes to acting with them, it’s best to try to be cautious and empathetic, although sometimes this isn’t easy. Finally, we can say that, in severe cases, it is better to ask a specialist for help. Next, we’ll talk a little bit about how this conflict is usually detected.

How do we detect these behaviors?

Often , it is the parents who detect a change in behavior in their children. This translates, for example, into the rejection of certain activities or goals that previously motivated them. At other times, conflict translates into strong opposition from the boy or girl, and it is also very easy to detect through their behavior.

If we talk about a higher level of conflict, we find teenagers who cause problems inside and outside the home, who get into trouble, who feel lost, or who have a serious identity crisis.

We can also detect these conflicting attitudes through lies, loss of enthusiasm for things, sadness… It is important to be clear about this, because often, under all that layer of aggression or rebellion, other types of feelings are hidden, such as fear, insecurity , loneliness or sadness.

How to act with them?

How to deal with conflicted teenagers? That will depend a lot on our role in their lives. In other words, it is not the same thing to be your father or mother, brother, psychologist, teacher, etc. So let’s offer some generic guidelines:

• Create communication spaces  with him.
• Work the bond (the relationship).
• Find out what is happening to him (sometimes, under such aggression, sadness is hidden).
• Spend time with it.
• Negotiate with him.
• Avoid judging him.
• Set limits, but be flexible.
• Use behavior modification techniques (important to reinforce appropriate behaviors).
• Increase your self – esteem, value it.
• Talk to him with empathy (put yourself in his shoes).
• Consult a specialist (especially in more severe cases).
• Be consistent with it.
• Practice by example.

The Adolescent Care Guide  (2015), prepared by the Andalusian Society of Family and Community Medicine, proposes a set of strategies aimed at comprehensive care for adolescents in the medical field, although it can also be applied in psychotherapy. These strategies would be as follows:

• Respect confidentiality : everything discussed in the consultation must remain there (except in cases where there is a risk for the adolescent himself, for others or for society in general).
• Provide the teenager with an intimate and safe space where he can freely express his doubts.
• Provide information about the health resources and services available to him.
• Show attention, interest and respect for everything he says, in order to promote the therapeutic bond.
• Explain your evolution and achievements, both for him and for his parents, promoting the adolescent’s responsibility in caring for their health.
• Encourage teamwork with your family and educators to  ensure multidisciplinary care.

family psychodramatic therapy

This type of therapy ( SB-PFT ) turns out to be an innovative intervention that begins to show positive results with conflicted adolescents. Specifically, it is used to improve personal relationships between conflicted teenagers and their parents. It is a type of therapy that integrates the principles of systemic family therapy and psychodrama through a multifamily group methodology.

A study published in the journal Family Process, developed by Bárbara Lorence, a researcher at the University of Huelva (UHU), found the first evidence on the effectiveness of this intervention.

One of the keys to this methodology is that  the adolescent’s voice is very important in it. In addition, different family systems also intervene in sessions with them. What works with this therapy? Basically, two main themes:

• The conflict between conflicting parents and teenagers.
• The search for possible solutions to conflicts.

Final Thought on Conflicted Teens

We provide some basic ideas about how to act with conflicted teens through empathy and understanding, although in reality it is always a more complex issue than the scripts establish. As we all know, adolescence is a complicated stage of life that many are still learning to manage, and as a result of it (and other factors), behavioral disorders, substance-related disorders (for example, drugs), mood disorders can arise…

Each disorder or problem will require specialized treatment. As parents or educators, accompanying them is a challenge and a necessity. Keeping track, with a helping hand and a little push to help them fly, can help with this process. After all, we should not forget that it is at this stage that they will define many aspects of their identity.