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Sometimes it seems like breaking bad news is the order of the day. Sometimes they appear unprepared and other times we were sure they would arrive sooner or later. An example of this is the loss of a loved one after a serious illness. Although it hurts, in these cases it seems that it is “easier” to tell others.
There are other situations in which death is totally unexpected and we don’t know how to communicate it to others. An accident, an attack or a natural disaster are examples of situations that, in a second, can make our whole world rock, taking a very important person to us.
Although no one wants to live these kinds of experiences, the truth is, unfortunately, it is the law of life. The question is how to face these experiences and, in certain cases, how to tell others what happened. Read on to learn some advice on breaking bad news.
What does it feel like when we have to communicate bad news?
Delivering bad news is a very complicated task. Besides having to go through a terrible misfortune, the reality is that we feel terrible. Not only because of our own feelings about the person who died, but also because we care about the people we’re going to tell.
The fear of hurting them, despite trying to speak as best we can, worries us. Also, we don’t know how people will react to us. They can blame us for what happened or even respond badly, it all depends on each one’s coping capacity. As communicators of this news, we don’t have to take the reactions of others personally.
On the other hand, in these situations we usually don’t have a lot of information. It is normal for the deceased’s loved ones to have numerous questions to ask us. That’s where the fear of not knowing what to say arises, but the reality is that we are human and we don’t always have all the answers to the questions we are asked… much less when unexpected misfortunes happen.
Steps to follow before breaking bad news
One way to manage these negative emotions that arise, as well as try to reduce, as far as possible, those of our interlocutors, is to prepare ourselves to communicate the bad news before doing so. A first step is to try to gather all the information about what happened, so that you can answer possible questions that you will ask us.
We also have to know who we’re going to tell what happened. It is not the same thing to prepare the message for children and for parents, friends or partners. Although it doesn’t seem like something important, this way we will be better able to put ourselves in the person’s shoes and adapt our speech to the conditions of each one.
Then it’s time to find a suitable place to tell what happened. It may seem logical, but it never hurts to remember that it is important to be as private a space as possible. Lastly, it’s extremely important to mentally prepare ourselves for what we’re going to say and how. This way, we will avoid saying something unfortunate that makes the other person’s pain increase.
What do we have to take into account when breaking bad news?
Once we prepare ourselves about all of the above, the moment of truth arrives. What we say won’t make the deceased come back, but we can make the other person feel as bad as possible. For this, the information we give must be very clear, and we must be sure that it is true. If not, we can confuse our interlocutor and generate even more negative emotions.
Then let’s tell you everything that happened gradually. For example: “There was a car accident and your husband was seriously injured. The ambulance that went there tried to revive him, but failed. I’m sorry, but Pedro died”.
We have to say the name of the person who died, in addition to saying expressions referring to the death, so that it is clear what happened. If the person has questions, they have to feel that they can interrupt us to ask them, so that they feel that we empathize with them and that we are going to try to support them in these difficult times.
As we see, breaking bad news is neither simple nor comfortable nor desirable, but it is important to know how to do it so that others understand what happened. It takes a lot of delicacy, a lot of security and, above all, a lot of empathy to support the suffering of the person receiving the news.
