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If you want to catch a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will slip out of your hands; on the other hand, if you let it go, it can land naturally on your shoulder. If we apply this famous phrase to real life, we could compare it to people who tend to put pressure on others.
Those who chase and push too hard often make people around them turn away. To prove this effect, think about whether you have ever had a friend or acquaintance who put excessive pressure on you and why you chose to lose contact with him/her.
As a general rule, we don’t like to feel obligated to do anything. When something interests us, we, on our own, go after it. Insisting too much, whether in the field of friendship or love relationships, often ends up making people want to leave.
For example, let’s imagine that we have a friend with whom we often have contact, but because of a situation of a lot of work, lack of time or need for individuality, we no longer feel like meeting her. That’s when we become aware of the type of person we are relating to.
healthy and mature personality
If you fail to contact someone you care about, they may insist on getting back in touch, but in a way that doesn’t restrict your freedom. A healthy way to act would be to make comments like: “What do you think we try to meet someday, since we haven’t spoken for a long time?”, “I hope you’re okay. Let’s try to talk someday, I miss you”, “How are you? We can arrange a coffee when you can.”
This way of speaking demonstrates willingness to want to get back in contact, but without pressure or victimism. If there is no response from the other party, the person should let the other “fly”, as it is clear that, for whatever reason, there is no desire or time to resume contact. When a healthy personality wants to contact someone and realizes there is no match, he or she walks away without pressure or hassle.
Respect the freedom of others
Examples of sentences that could be said by someone who does not respect our freedom, with which we have decided not to keep in touch:
“Why don’t you write me more? Are you upset?”, “I haven’t known anything about you for a long time, I don’t know what I did to you, but you’re doing me a lot wrong”, “I’ve been trying to score something for a long time, but you’re always dodging” , “What’s going on?”, “I don’t understand this attitude of ignoring me, we urgently need to talk about it”.
Giving the impression that there is discomfort, demanding explanations and insisting to talk urgently are pressures to try to make the other feel guilty when, in reality, the reasons why someone stops keeping in touch can be multiple. That’s why jumping to conclusions and pushing doesn’t usually yield good results.
Pressing has a negative effect
Pressing doesn’t hold anyone back, and it can even make the person want to distance themselves because they feel a sense of loss of freedom. On the other hand, accepting the situation can make the person who distances himself come back when he feels like it.
It is the example of good friends who do not always have very frequent contact, but who maintain the friendship without pressure and accept each other’s personal space, knowing that they are free to distance themselves when they need solitude or they have no time. This freedom of knowing that the desire to want to disconnect for a while will not be taken negatively by the other is what most unites people.
When we feel that our way of acting is accepted, it is the moment when relationships acquire more trust, as we feel the freedom to distance ourselves knowing that this attitude is understandable. There is someone willing to enjoy your company when possible, accepting that it will not always be that way due to different circumstances.
If you like someone, let them fly free; let life flow naturally and time will put everything in its place. The person who is “for you” will fly by your side willingly, without the need for pressure or victimism.
The best recipe for attracting people who want to enjoy your company: let yourself know, show your best, demonstrate your interests so that the other takes the next step. If there is harmony, great; if not, give it freedom and go in search of another butterfly.
