rancha.xyz Be free to choose their own route to self-knowledge, health and balance of body and soul.
There is 10% of me you will never meet. You can work as hard as you like, but you will never be able to decipher it. In fact, there’s at least 5% of me that I’ll never meet and look who, not wanting to sound pretentious, I have more years with me than you.
Just because you don’t know this part doesn’t mean it’s bad or perverse, or that it lacks feelings or empathy. It will simply never seem logical or rational, you will never be able to predict it.
Forgive me if I laugh sometimes when you try to decipher me, but I have the feeling that you are that little child who is reaching for a package that is wrapped on the highest shelf… Or trying in every way possible to fit a piece of breakage -head and forehead all, when the only one that fits fell under the table.
Wait. You will grow, and even if you are not tall enough to reach it, you will be strong enough to handle the ladder that will allow you to reach it. Or perhaps you no longer want to achieve because you have chosen to live with the reality that you are capable of perceiving or that you no longer care about.
I understand. You’re afraid that part of me will cause you pain. With the advantage I have when it comes to meeting me, I would say no, and I can say that I would like you to take a chance.
I can’t oblige you, or ask you, just express my wish, but I don’t even know if that’s fair because I firmly believe that I will get the better of you if you do.
I like you, today and now with that unpredictable part, because it flutters at the same time as my heart. It is in tune with the feelings that are part of that 90% that you know.
My commitment is to help you live with it, something I haven’t been skilled enough at either… But the truth is, no one is born knowing, and as I said before, you seem primitive when you make a fuss about the wrapped package.
You have a lot to say about my life, but let me have the last word even if you don’t agree, let me choose who I relate to and how I do it. Allow you to love me as I am or as I will be, and not as a shadow of what I am or will be.
Don’t try to try to fit me in every way, because there isn’t a way for me. You will have to build it, and even then there will always be sides that will never fit together.
Don’t question whether I’m normal or not. I’m already telling you that I’m not, that I don’t fit your typical person pattern, just as I don’t fit anyone’s typical person pattern.
Do not claim as your right the need to decipher that 10%, because the only thing that will happen is that I will be silenced and hidden, and you will stop looking for me every day.
You will stop loving me and I will be deeply saddened.
That 5% is a tiny, tiny part, even if you don’t know how to size it because you can only see the edge.
Keep playing for the rest of the house. It’s not worth it that you waste a moment for what we both don’t know.
So, somehow, I ask you to be an accomplice with me, of my own ignorance, so that together and without haste we start asking each other questions… And as a thread of hope, think that the last thing that fell off this shelf that you can’t reach is this letter that a person in love writes to you…
