The Need To Be With You Suffocates Me

You lived a terrible childhood. Unlike other children, he was forced to grow up in a very unstable family environment. His parents didn’t stop arguing, they made him share their problems.  They just used it… “good night” kisses were a must, but never because you wanted to. The same was true with hugs; the affection was not “natural” or habitual. All of this created a great need for affection.

This is one of the situations that we take as an example and that shows us how education, and especially love, are important in a child’s life. Everything that happens in childhood will influence your future life. In this case, we are faced with one of the problems that most affect our society today: the need to be with someone to feel complete. But what happens when at the same time it relieves us and suffocates us?

The need for what I was denied

You didn’t choose, it’s a situation in which you’ve been involved and now suffer the consequences, constantly looking for what you’ve been denied. That’s why you become attached to people and constantly avoid being alone. You are very scared.

Perhaps you’ve never noticed, but you project your needs onto others. For example, imagine you are with someone you care about and suddenly feel cold. Your first reaction is to cover or wrap the other person instead of covering yourself. The same goes for a lack of love or any other lack: I need to be loved, and instead of trying to love me, I love the other person.

The big problem comes when this urgent need turns against you. You give yourself to others, but you don’t get what you need most in return.  Because people don’t meet your needs, you become disappointed and suffer. You get involved with inconvenient people who have nothing to do with you, perhaps because you submit to them and allow your happiness to depend on them alone.

When you act in this way, you allow the other person to hurt you, you don’t protect yourself and you become a vulnerable person. You are unconsciously destroying yourself, because you are not able to see that the solution is within you. First, you need to know how to be self-sufficient. If you don’t love yourself, no one will do it for you. If you don’t respect yourself, no one will respect you.

stop being unhappy

As you try to find happiness, you are being tremendously unhappy. Insecurity, fears, disappointments, lack of trust, toxic relationships, everything you carry in that suitcase on your shoulders causes a lot of suffering. Even in suffering you cling, you know that this is all you have. Or maybe it’s what you believe you have?

Don’t conform, don’t take someone’s side because you need a few scraps of love, or pleasant moments. Don’t you realize that you deserve so much more than this and that this situation makes you fragile?

You’ve probably already noticed what’s going on, but it’s very difficult to get out of this situation. Despite that, you have no other option; everything becomes more and more difficult and complicated. Maybe you find yourself in a maze of your own making, that’s why it’s so hard to find your way out.

Some people find it difficult to face this situation and admit that they are “emotional addicts” looking for what they were not given. Have you already accepted? This is not an easy path, quite the contrary. Your need will try to get you back to the starting point several times, which will make everything more difficult. But you are much more than this need, than this anxiety.

Force yourself to spend time with yourself. Get away from all those people you’ve become attached to. It will be difficult, anxiety will appear, but if you resist, you will be victorious. Hang in there, you are going through the “withdrawal crisis”: take into account that addiction is like an addiction.

If you find it too difficult, if you fall back into this addiction, don’t be afraid and ask for help. There are many people who are in the same situation as you and have made it through. Stop giving your life, stop suffering, stop giving yourself to others, stop being unhappy. Don’t let your need keep playing with you.