The Three Emotional Mistakes That Limit Happiness

Well-being, like inner balance, is not something that changes on its own. Emotions affect the quality of life and influence our decisions and choices. Thus, it is important to know the emotional mistakes that limit our happiness in order to start fighting them.

Daniel Goleman himself said, in his book ‘How to Be a Leader’, that at least 80% of the success we achieve in our life depends on the ability to control our emotions.

It is not exclusively about reaching a position of importance in the professional sphere. Nor is it about the ability to become people of reference, or to be undisputed gurus in certain skills.

In essence, we are talking about something simpler: being happy. Because happiness, and this we discover sooner or later, does not one day appear at the door of the house in the company of the postman. Happiness is an inner state that must be worked out daily like a delicate garden.

We must eliminate bad weeds, we must plant certain seeds, we must prune some branches correctly and not others, and we must know how to add the right nutrients to the soil.

Knowing this, being competent in emotional intelligence can make many paths easier. On some occasions, far from acting with the prudence of someone who has already acquired good tools in this knowledge, we let ourselves be carried away.

We limit ourselves to going blindly, acting on instinct and supported, almost always, in an ineffective education related to emotions and feelings.

Three Emotional Mistakes That Limit Your Happiness: Denial

I see you didn’t make it, how do you feel, are you sure you’re alright? Are you seriously not mad? Are you sure nothing is happening? Can you assure me that what happened doesn’t matter? Should we just forget what happened?

These are just a few examples of the wide range of issues we are used to facing in our daily lives, and the questions we routinely answer in the same way: “Nothing is happening, everything is fine”.

Hiding or denying feelings is an almost normal reaction for many of us. This is, without a doubt, one of the worst emotional mistakes that limit our ability to be happy.

We may not always be transparent, but few personal hygiene principles are as relevant as practicing emotional assertiveness. Because repressing or covering up what hurts will not make us stronger or more competent. On the contrary, it will break us little by little.

Let us remember that we are people, that we are not like the sea and the waves, that break every day without complaining. We have the right and the duty to show what hurts, to complain, to be honest.

running away from uncomfortable feelings

There are emotions that nobody likes. Feelings that bother us, that we let go of because we don’t tolerate them in our lives. Anger, frustration, disappointment, anguish, etc. We chose to put them in a corner because, in addition to not being nice, we don’t know what to do with them.

We forgot something that Antônio Damasio, the famous neurologist, used to say. We are emotional beings who once learned to think. We are not machines that one day realized they could feel.

Therefore, the act of giving space to emotions, of letting them flow and find their place, is a way of accepting ourselves and investing in our mental health.

I have to be happy!

The third of the emotional mistakes is a very high need these days: the obsession with being happy. We pursue happiness like someone embarking on a journey without a destination. Like someone who goes shopping and doesn’t know what to buy, like someone who feels an immense void he wants to fill.

This anguish, that of intuiting that something is missing, leads us to a simulation of happiness that neither fulfills nor satisfies. On the contrary, in some cases it only brings more frustration.

Let’s stop for a moment, just a moment to breathe and reflect. What we often do is settle for simple bonuses, without really investing in a solid project. This project is none other than ourselves.

Few emotional mistakes are as serious as looking outside for what should be inside. Understanding this will save us great suffering.

Let us work daily on this delicate jewel in which self-esteem, self-love, a life project, assertiveness and passion come together.

Because every meaningful life brings us closer to happiness, because all these emotional mistakes can be fixed and corrected today, if the will.